5 Sweet Years Since That Freedom Ride Henry

5 years ago today I got Henry. I remember it clear as a bell. It was the Tuesday after Thanksgiving and we had just gotten back from 5 days at Pismo Beach. I came back to work that day to an email asking me if I could foster this red pit bull who was in the medical side of the shelter because he had some head trauma. I had seen this dog one time in passing. He had stitches all down his head (they were out by this day) Something about this crazy head tilt and his eyes had caught my eye. I said, sure  I will foster him if the big man approves. The "Big Man" was our St Bernard Tubbs. We had tried to foster other dogs but Tubbs would have none of it and you really dont disagree with a 140 pound dog. So after work on December 2, 2009 I headed to the shelter in my work clothes. I met Wambui there, we got Henry out of his kennel, he got some shots and off we went. He met Tubbs, Maya and Barney and none of them even paid him a second glance. I think they knew he was special, head trauma and all. I named him that night Henry, my favorite boys name. It fit him perfectly. Henry then proceeded to get every single dog toy out of the toy bin and made a circle of toys around his bed and then he slept like the dead. That was his first night. I dont remember many details from the days after that because Henry fit right in. Life went on as normal. He loved going for walks, absolutely loved it. He loved to play fetch. He loved sleeping under covers. He hated the cold. Him and the St Bernard would sleep next to each other all day long. It didnt take too long before we knew that Henry was permanent.

5 years and two babies later Henry is still the light of my life.He is the last thing I see at night and the first kiss I get in the mornings. He has never left my side. We used to go for runs together but now we just do walks, he is getting older, slower. We play frisbee at the park. He sunbathes when it is warm enough, he hibernates when it is cold or rainy. He is my sons best friend. He is now more his dog than my dog but Henry and I will always have that special bond. He still has his special head tilt, which I stopped noticing a long time ago but strangers always ask, what happened to his head. Ha ha. He has been through 3 surgeries, including removing his eye.I cherish every second I get with him. I know how short our time in this life together will be. I want, more than anything, to celebrate 10 years with him but I will cherish each day, one day at a time and see how long this life gives us together.

I dont know your real birthday or age but Happy 5 Years of Freedom Henry!

 

I do have two "real" kids.

November is National Adoption Month.

November 22^nd is National Adoption Day.

This is a big deal in our family.

It has been 18 months (May 6, 2013) since the adoption of our second son - Benson Davis Dear-Strain- became final.

A large part of me is still in shock about the whole process - I would like to share what I can about my experience. The end result being that my husband and I were in the delivery room when Benson was born and we were the first ones to hold him, we named him and we took him home from the hospital. He was our first attempt at adoption, the birth mother did not change her mind and the adoption became final 9 months after he was born.

Before we started looking at the adoption process I knew zero, I mean zero about it. Now I know a lot. Now when I hear the word “adoption” the first words to come to mind are: Fight, strength, difficult, a grind. Every aspect of an adoption is difficult. Every aspect takes strength. It takes strength for the birth mom to love the baby so much she makes that decision. That is the important part. It takes strength for the birth parents to go to all the Dr. appointments and hear the heartbeat and bond with the baby knowing that the birth mom could change her mind at any time. It takes strength for the potential adoptive parents to hang in there, always wondering, daily, if the birth mom will change her mind. It takes strength to bring that little 2 day old baby home from the hospital and love it and not know if someone is going to show up and take it away because the birth mom changed her mind. It takes strength and just pure grit to make it through the whole questionnaire, home check, psyche test, etc, etc, etc  test while you are going through the process. The home checks were the WORST. SO many times I wanted to quit.  I don’t know why we didn’t quit. Maybe the money we had already put in kept us going. Maybe we were just too tired to quit or too stubborn.

Our story goes like this. We go into an adoption agency (private one) in late April. We decide to use this lawyer ( big mistake to say the least) We write our dear birth mom letter in a bar on Cinco de Mayo. That letter stressed me out so much. Thank you Alyssa for asking to read it, meant a lot to me. We get matched the Thursday before Mother’s Day, within a month of the time we first walked through the door. Our birth mom was 6 months along. We got to go to the last 3 months of Dr appts. See ultra sound pics, hear the heart beat, etc etc. and bond with the birth mom, who became like family. We got very easy together and I think that was so important. She will always be in our lives. Baby is born 3 weeks early (aug 8, 2012) via emergency C Section because he was breech. We take him home from the hospital. She has the chance to waive her rights to the 30 day wait, she does not do it. We wait the full 30 days. She does not change her mind. We go through many tests and get finger printed. We get a court date. We go in front of the judge and he makes the adoption final.  We now have a 2 year old and a 9 month old.

For me, the deep sigh of relief did not come after our 30 days wait, which surprised me. For me, I did not even breathe right until the judge granted the adoption final. It was nine months of being on edge. I think adoption is not for the weak. And I think people who may be weak, and then decide on adoption, if you want it bad enough, you will become stronger than you ever imagined you could. I think adoption is a beautiful process, if done right. Our adoption was not a beautiful process. It was a greedy lawyer and his assistant who dropped his cash cow (birth mom) the second she went into labor. We took care of her when she went into labor, we drove her to the hospital, we kept visiting her hospital room and bringing her food and making sure she was okay. Once the lawyer got his money he was done with all of us. No follow up. No asking how things are. So I am jaded by the whole process. I think follow-up support for us and the birth mom woul d have been magnificent.

When I over hear people say, yeah we are thinking of adoption - I kind of cringe because I know the road that lay ahead. Not all adoptions are so hard and some are definitely much much harder. But the only constant is that it will be difficult and emotionally and financially draining.

There is this idea out there floating around that adoption is a “fall back”, a “last resort” only for couples who cannot have a biological baby. I don’t think that’s true at all. I think, if a couple is willing to fight so hard for a child, and frankly pay so much for it, it should never been seen as a fall back, it should be celebrated. Yes adoption was not our first choice. But it was not our “fall back” plan. I was a healthy, fertile 34 year old. I certainly could have had another biological child. To me, I just wanted to add to my family. I wanted to give Beckett a sibling and I did not want to deal with the heart ache of possibly losing another baby.  Some woman decide on IVF, some decide to adopt, some decide to try again and again and again for a biological child. Whatever method we woman decide to add to our families should never be questioned or doubted. It just should not. I will never view Benson as any less than Beckett nor will he ever be my “fall back kid.”

I’ve learned so much from the adoption process. Mainly about how strong I am and our family is. About human nature and the bond we have with our children and how much a mother could love her child and how horrible some people can be and how loving some people can be. I have also learned that even though it is 2014 we are not as evolved as I believed. I get more comments/inquiries/questions about adoption than I ever really imagined.  On a good day I just kind of answer the questions, on a bad day, when I am in a rush and just trying to buy milk, it gets to me. On a really really bad day when I am just done.in. -it can make me cry. People can be so cruel. This is the path we chose and I know this is how it will be but sometimes it is hard to just let some comments roll off. Especially the comments like: Oh at least you have a real child.  Or: Didn’t you want another real child. OR: Are you going to try for another real child? So please people be aware of your comments you make to strangers, they do have an impact.

Happy National Adoption Month.  If you are on the edge of adopting or not, please make sure you take time researching and picking the right agency! That is key.

 Thanks!  Here are pics of my two sons. Both are real, living, flesh and blood kids.

 

[MY] American Pitbull Terrier Henry

Its Monday and 100 degrees in Sacramento and Henry is of course sunbathing. Henry is my rescue pit bull terrier. For those that knew me before Henry and still know me now, its obvious, Henry rescued me- not the other way around. All I did was show up at the shelter and drive him home and love him. He has given me so much more. He has taught me more in the last 4 years than I could have ever even imagined. He and I have been through a lot together- to put it mildly. I know he found me in this life and came to me when he did for a reason, to get me through everything and teach me. All I have had to do is love him. I have the easy part. What I have learned from him and the amount of love he gives, far exceeds anything I could have imagined learning and getting from one crooked head, 40 pound, one- eyed dog.

People always say “He is just a dog.” To that I reply “Yeah well we are just apes.”

Henry came to me 5 days before I discovered I was pregnant (unplanned pregnancy.) He was the one that was there for me when I got the news from the Dr that my blood test came back positive for pregnancy and I sobbed all afternoon. He consoled me as I said good bye to the life and future my husband and I had planned out. If we had gotten the call about Henry needing out of the shelter 5 days later, he would not be in my life as we already had 3 dogs and now a baby on the way. As soon as the shock of the surprise of game changer baby wore off and I started to breathe normally again it was Henry who was there. He would rest his head on my belly way before I had a bump. He knew something was in there. Every night for those 8 months he rested his head on my belly. When we brought my son home from the hospital we just put his car seat on the floor and let the dogs come meet him (my son never woke up) I don't know who licked him first, Henry or Maya, but I do know Henry is way better with both my sons. He will always be as close as he can to them without touching them or disturbing them. He is their best friend.

Henry has taught me about humans. He taught me how to talk and deal with humans. He taught me about patience and tolerance and how to talk to people who just don't know any better. I was new to the pit bull world when I got Henry. I had volunteered at the city shelter for only 8 months and I knew without a doubt in my mind that pit bulls were by far my favorite kind of dog now. But I had never owned one. I didn't know what was in store for me. One of my first walks with Henry I learned. Henry and I were walking along peacefully and this lady asked me to turn around and walk back a little ways so she and her little poodle could walk by. I said, very politely (which I am proud of because remember I was also pregnant) “I am sorry this is a public street and my dog is on a leash and under control and she could turn around if she wanted to.” Henry and I walked right by. This is a very common occurrence - and one I was not ready for. The amount of ignorance and intolerance surrounding this breed is still mind blowing to me. I have since learned patience and how to talk to people in a polite way and firm enough to get your point across. I have learned how to calmly talk someone into taking their 20 pound chain off their dog and putting on a nice collar. I have politely and calmly explained that spaying and neutering pit bulls will not cause them to go “extinct” as people have argued to me. Being mean and judgmental and aggressive never gets you anywhere and gives pit bulls more of a bad name. I always want to represent pit bulls in a way that would make Henry proud. Humans failed Henry. Humans fail pit bulls every day. Humans cut pit bull ears with scissors and burn them and throw acid on them and throw them in a pit to fight and starve them and beat them and all pit bulls do is love and trust their owner. Henry had no reason to trust me -but he hopped in my car and put his head on my hand and never gave me anything but love and complete trust from the second I got him. We, humans, could learn so much from these magical beings - they are pure strength and resilience and love. They are goof balls. They are happy at their core and never ever miss a chance to sun bathe or play fetch or jump in a kiddie pool or give kisses to girl scouts or kids at the park. They do not hold grudges, they do not hold onto their past or let it ruin their happiness. This is something I struggle with, not letting the past cloud your days. I have lost a great deal in the past 4 years but I have not lost my life. I have not lost my husband or sons or parents. I have had to put down my St Bernard but I have not lost Henry or Maya. I have lost a house but not a roof over our heads. I have lost two babies but I also have two healthy babies and some woman do not even get that lucky. I have lost ties with family members and friends but I have made many more friends that are just like family. Henry is my daily reminder that life is too short and too sweet to not be thankful for every day and every moment you get. Take the time to sunbathe and catch a Frisbee and go make people smile at the coffee shop or bar. Don't be scared to be a goof ball.

When we went to meet our adoption lawyer our 1^st question was “how much will this cost” and our second question was “We have a pit bull, is that okay?” They said no problem -we will have to meet all your pets and so will the social worker. It wasn't even an issue because Henry is awesome. So we were able to adopt a baby with Henry however when we looked to rent a new place this April we called about 10 rentals and no one would rent to us because we have a pit bull. Even though our renters insurance covers him. Interesting huh- we could adopt a baby with a pit bull but we can not find a rental house to live in.

Pit bulls have been on my mind all weekend as there were a couple pit bull rescue events this weekend and the Esquire article about pit bulls. In the article it talks about how the author was out with his daughter walking the family dog (yes a pit bull) and a loose cocker spaniel attacked their dog. This has happened to me with Henry and a chihuahua. Henry did not hurt the chihuahua. But if he had, Henry would have been blamed, not the crazy aggressive chihuahua who was off leash. When will this change.....pit bulls being sensationalized in the media- it just gets old. It gets old hearing people ask, Aren't you worried about having Henry around kids. Why don't you spend 5 minutes with Henry and the boys before you ask me that question. It gets old all the sadness and abuse and euthanasia statistics surrounding this breed. Do you know what doesn't get old? Meeting pit bulls out and about and getting kisses from them. Hearing all the happy pit bull stories. Seeing the surviving Vic dogs thrive. Seeing dogs like Wallace earn respect. Seeing pit bulls win awards. Seeing minds change. Sacramento is a very pit bull friendly town, another reason I will never move, we take Henry out and he is a Rockstar- he gets more love than criticism. People want to get licks from him and then tell us their pit bull rescue story. It keeps you going. It gives you hope. These dogs are full of hope, we need to be.

Henry has been a constant rock in my life the past 4 years. He has never left my side. He has seen me at my worst, crushed and broken and bleeding. He is just a quiet, strong, peaceful, loving presence. He makes me laugh at times when I thought it impossible to laugh - but it was just what I needed. He snores and farts- badly. He is the last kiss I give at night and the first eyes I see in the morning. When I sleep, every night, he has to touch some part of his body to mine. This is why I feel itchy when we are apart and things feel off. This is why i ask myself everyday- how did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve Henry? This is why I will never walk by a pit bull with out getting a kiss (after asking the owner of course) This is why I will cross the street to pet a pit bull and shake their owners hand. This is why I will fly to Orange county for a pit bull rescue event. This is why I will give spare money to pit bull rescues and I make any fundraising event that is within my power to make. This is why it brought tears to my eyes on May 3^rd Washington DC Pibble March -all the amazing speeches, this is why I get involved -THEY ARE WORTH IT a thousand times over. Henry is worth it. They are all worth it. And thousands and thousands of pit bull owners will tell you the same thing. At the current stage in my life - with two young ones- I can not volunteer as much as I used to but I do what I can. That's all anyone can do right? I know when the boys are older and I can work less I will be right there doing more for these amazing creatures that have changed my life. Until then I will continue to be a voice for Henry. 

Thanks for reading. Wendy and Henry

Check out Henry's website. I have not updated it in a while but it has links to rescues in Sacramento.

Www.henrytheoneeyedpitbull.com

 

Yes my son does not look like me. Deal with it people.

Here i go. This is a test, I am trying my hand at blogging. What is on my mind today? The ass at the Roseville Aquatic Center on Sunday. I know Placer County is very conservative, it is why we don't live there. But really it is 2014 and I was just trying to enjoy a day at the pool with my two boys, who cares if they do not look alike. Yes I should stick to diverse areas, yes my son was the only African- american at the pool, yes I am used to crazy, ignorant, intrusive, rude comments by now but this guy just caught me off guard because I had just been having so much fun swimming with the boys.I mean I truly do not see Benson as different, he is my son.... Yes it is a reminder i will never escape the stupidity. But Benson is worth it and I can handle it. Its the same as when people ask me to cross the street with Henry because he looks so scary. What my 40 pound one eyed dog who is not barking scares you? Well too bad its a public street and a public pool. Thanks.